Well, Its been a little while, lets see whats been going on lately. The kiddos had a great Halloween! B was a bumblebee transformer, E was a princess, and lil B was a cow. It was lil B's first time trick-or-treating! she did really good. My MIL was able to make it up here to spend it with us and that was nice. I always enjoy her visits. I wish they lived closer. It would be nice since shes really the only family member I am (emotionally?)close with, besides my dad. Which is sad. I wish I could be closer to my own family. I don't know, I feel like I'm an outsider when I'm around them for family get-togethers because no one really talks to me. I don't know if they are harboring resentments towards me because of my past, or what. It hurts though. I can say that my grandmother (not my biological one, though sometimes I wish she was) has always always always made me feel more than welcome and special, no matter what. Which is more than I can say for the one I'm blood related to. but thaaaaats another story. I was pretty close with an aunt before they moved overseas, and I really miss her. I'm 95% percent sure that we are going to visit them in march. Which would be so awesome! Nate had been overseas plenty of times, but I never have. So it will be interesting for me. I'm scared crapless of flying, too. So that will not be pleasant. I will def. need a xanax/cabernet/enya c.d combo. calming thoughts. wooooosaaahhhhh. Hopefully I will sleep the whole way. The idea of flying over an ocean really freaks me out, that and flying is just unnatural for people. If we were meant to fly, God would have given us wings. Too bad we cant take a boat. But I'm scared of boats too so that probably would be just as terrible. Jeesh, I was meant to live in a land locked state for sure. Anyway, It would be great to visit another country and see how it differs from ours! I've lived such a culturally sheltered life I probably wont have any idea how to act. I'll just keep my mouth shut LOL. Which, by the way, is something Ive been having a problem with lately. I don't know why, but I've been standing up for myself a lot more lately. And not just myself, other people as well. But I also occasionally offend people, so it kind of works against me too. I don't know why but I've just been on a mission to give the world a piece of my mind. And its not always met with happy ears lol. Whats the difference between standing up for your beliefs, and forcing your opinion on people? Is there a difference? I find myself in this dilemma in matters of religion quite frequently. I don't know where to draw the line. I'm not perfect AT ALL, I actually have made a ton of mistakes in my past. I still make mistakes every single day. So I'm not above anyone, yet I feel like I have the right to decide whats right and wrong. But do I have the right to expect people to bend to my ideas of whats right and wrong? would I be going against my beliefs if I just said 'live and let live' and remained passive about all things? I constantly wonder these things. So in the midst of my new found confidence, I still have reservations. I don't know when its the 'right time' to speak up. So if you're one of the people I've offended recently, I'M SORRY! I never mean to hurt feelings. I really do have a servants heart, and try to please everyone. I even worry about who I'll potentially offend when I write these blogs. Even though its MY blog. Like the Anna Nalick song "And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd/ Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud/ And I know that you'll use them, however you want to." kind of sums it up right there, funny how music can do that. anyway, I'm super tired and my kids are super early risers. So until next time :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2yiphu8Ff8&ob=av2n
