Summertime Blues

Most of my summer days begin like this - "what can I do to exhaust the kids today?" and I think their days begin the same way with "what can I do to exhaust mom today?" well, the other day was a good example of what they can do to exhaust me. so here it goes.

I wake up at 6 am, as usual. My son wakes me up asking for dinner rolls for breakfast. okay, whatevs. I go on a 5 min hunt for my phone in the vast recesses of my comforter, and eventually find it plugged in on the bedside table. Curse you, sneaky phone. I roll out of bed and step on a child that has made a pillow pet/blankie/stuffed animal nest beside it. She didn't wake up. Thank God. I make my way to the bathroom, and bathroom light blinds the bejeebus out of me. I step on the scale, then step off hoping that I will weigh like 10 lbs less AFTER I pee. I step on the scale again after, curse the scale, and contemplate throwing it out a window. Diet FAIL. I half-blindly make my way downstairs to the coffee pot to get some coffee, and turn on some cartoons for DS while he eats his dinner rolls for breakfast. I catch a few minutes of sweet peace in front of the computer, and let facebook and pinterest kill a few more of my braincells.

Then the baby (I say baby, but shes 2 now.) wakes up. She screams at me for putting the gate in front of the door. I am the meanest mommy EVER. I get her up, change her pull up (bc were potty training now, YAY! *eye roll*) and put her in underwear. She gets a rice cake and a sippy for breakfast and shes happy for the moment. Shes even happy when she pees in her chair. fantastic. I clean up the baby and my dear, sweet, not-all-morning-person middle daughter comes down the stairs. Shes mad bc I stepped on her. Apparently I did it on purpose and "I'm sorry" just doesn't fix that kind of treachery. I get her to eat some cereal and join the others in some nick Jr. while I get some cleaning done. I manage the laundry room, and bathroom then I realize its time to go to playgroup.

I mentally prepare myself. THIS, my friends, should be an Olympic event. Getting toddlers out the door... Summer Sport. I tell my son first... he needs the most time to get ready. I look through the dressers to find suitable outfits for my daughters, and BEG my son to find some clothes and get himself dressed. I wrestle the baby into some clothes, debate on underwear or pull up. I decide to be lazy and choose pull-up (shame on me!). I check over my daughters clothing choices, check on sons progress (hes still running around his room in underwear) and go on a shoe hunt. The baby has taken every single one of the shoes down from the rack and thrown them about the closet. AGAIN. Oh shoe closet, you WILL be the death of me! I swear I find one of every single pair of shoes that they own. I scream "WHERE ARE THE OTHER SHOES?! I SWEAR THERE WERE TWO WHEN I BOUGHT THEM!" Then I debate climbing on top of all the shoes, shutting the door, and having myself a good cry. I don't. I finally track down some shoes for all of them. I have to chase the baby down and put her in a knee bar ( Knee Bar- Instructional) to get her tennis shoes on and tied. my daughter chooses sandals, which I KNOW will rub her feet. I try to tell her this, but she cries and throws a shoe at me so I decide to let her learn the hard way. My son is still upstairs running around naked. I pick out his clothes, put them on his bed, and shut the door. I tell him he can come out once he is dressed and ready to start the day. 5 minutes later he is still sitting on the floor playing in his undies. I concede defeat and dress him bc I really want to go to the playgroup and have adult conversation, and I really want them to burn energy and then take a long nap so I can clean and watch that episode of VEEP that I missed. We finally get out the door. Its been an hour. Then I realize I forgot to pack the diaper bag. I die a little inside.

After hastily packing the diaper bag we are on our way! yay! for a minute. until they have to stop and examine a rock. and a bug. and a leaf. and someones paper. and try to steal a toy from someones yard. and try to cross the street without me. and fall and cry. and pet a dog through a fence. and pick up something that could have been edible at some point and put it in their mouth. and switch places in the double stroller 8947589274 times. and fall and cry again. we finally reach the end of the block! only 1/4 mile to go!

.....30-45 minutes later.....

Its in sight! I see it! the park is right there! I encourage them to run on ahead of me and play. They make it all the way across a soccer field and to the park in about 2 minutes. we live about 5 soccer fields away. it took us 45 minutes to walk that far. The baby cries bc she wants to run too. I try to console her in the 10 minutes it takes us to get there. She doesn't stop crying until I let her out of the stroller. I feel instant relief as they run off to play happily and I sit and talk with the other moms. There are a few there with little babies and I get a twinge of baby fever. Then I look over at my son throwing his flip flops from the top of the slide and I snap out of it. After about a half hour its time to go, and I go over my exit strategies in my head. threats? bribery? the promise of Popsicles at home? I weigh my options and decide that I will ask what they want for lunch and then casually suggest that we go make it. This works for a little while, they say their goodbyes and wave to their friends. It wasn't until we were walking down the sidewalk away from the park the my son realizes whats going on. He refuses to walk any farther. I try to tell him that his friends are leaving soon too and that its time for everyone to go home and eat. He cries, and stomps, and runs into the grass and has a complete meltdown. I hope the other moms aren't watching. I leave my stroller with the other two strapped in it, and drag him out of the grass and towards the stroller. I have to hold (by hold, I mean death grip bc hes trying to get away from me) his hand, and push the double stroller with the other. well, there's my workout for the day! I walk past a cop waiting for speeders, and hope he doesn't think I'm a kidnapper, by the way my son is acting towards me I would think the same thing. I drag him past the officer with a "kids, gotta love em' " smile on my face and reach the walking path behind our house. They are tired and hungry by then so its easy to convince them to go home willingly.

They all want something different for lunch and none of them like what I give them. Luckily daddy is home to save the day! for a minute. I have to take him back to work because I need the car for errands. The kids didn't eat any of their lunch bc thy are so tired and cranky. DH and I manage to get them out the door and into their car seats (how is it that hes so fast at it, but it takes me an hour?!) and were on the way.

First errand is taking the dog to the groomers. I have to drive back home and get the dog. Our dog, Atlas, is 80 lbs of white fluff and slobber. Hes a Pyrenees/Anatolian shepherd. I leave the kids in their seats while I go to the gate and get the dog. I don't think I could handle the kids and the dog all running loose around the neighborhood. Atlas is a giant baby and wont get in the car, so I have to pick him up and fight him to get into the car. Apparently he doesn't realize what I deal with all day, dealing with him is a piece of cake. At least he thinks I'm his boss. Once hes in the car ( and no, I don't use a doggy seat belt or a whatever. I cant deal with yet another thing to buckle down. and his crate is the size of a shed. shame on me. I know.) we get rolling and hes in the back seat panting like a wounded wildebeest so I crank the AC. Then the  kids cry that its too cold. Then he starts panting again. So I'm stuck alternating high and low AC all the way to the groomers. She comes outside to get him so I don't have to get all my kids out. Bless her! I almost cry tears of joy. Shes super duper sweet and I know my big fur baby will be in good hands. The groomer says 1-2 hours so we go to Wal-Mart while hes getting his bath. Great idea.

I drive around the parking lot several times to look for a spot by the cart corral. I MUST park beside the cart corral bc I'm a nervous wreck walking with all three through the parking lot. And I refuse to walk more than one stall to return a cart. Its wal mart- baby snatchers and crazy drivers are everywhere. Luckily we find one with a cart inside it and I put them in. The older two ride in the basket part bc in my head, the dangers of them being hit by car far outweigh those of them falling out of the basket. Once we get inside, they get to walk. The baby wants to walk too, and throws a tantrum when I buckle her in. The other two notice a toy display and make a bee-line. I coax them away after a few minutes. We wander around the store for an hour getting the things we need. I leave a few things for very last because its near (cue twilight zone music) the toy aisles. I tell my older kids "we are getting swim stuff for the beach!" about 4564573455 times to get the excited and focused. But as soon as those Barbie and Transformer toys come into view, its all over from there. swim stuff? what swim stuff? Ive never heard of these things you speak of. They run up and down the aisles with me chasing after them with the baby in the cart. They bring me different, outrageously expensive toys and beg to buy pretty much anything they see. Unfortunately the swim stuff in the last two aisles, so its almost impossible to get to them without a couple toys in the basket first. Well played wal mart, well played. I find the swimming accessories that I am looking for, then the meltdowns start. My son doesn't want them, they are for babies. I try to explain that they are NOT for babies (even though there is a baby on the front. oy.) they are for kids who cant swim. He cant swim. he tells me with a defiant face that he had a dream last night that he could swim, so he CAN swim now and doesn't need those stupid baby floaties. I laugh in spite of myself. Some of the things these kids come up with is seriously funny. They must get it from me. I explain that we will buy them, just in case we get to the pool someone needs them. He says okay and were off to the checkout lanes! finally! the end is near! we spent about an hour in just the toy section. twilight zone, I'm telling ya. Until he sees a display of Nerf water guns. I cringe as soon as I see them. There's about to be a battle royale, and I know it. He has been begging for one. I keep telling him NO for two reasons. His little sisters. He totally comes unglued and begs anyway. Then its time for the wal mart fit. You know the one I'm talking about. The kind where you see/hear the kid, writhing and screaming on the floor and shrieking at his/her parents and you're like "gaw, get a hold of your child. sheesh" well, that's the one. By this point Ive had a long day, so I stand there by the bikes and the girls and I share a granola bar until hes finished. He decides hes hungry and we go through the check out lane with gummy bears and Gatorade. I realize its time to go pick up DH from work. I get them all in their seats and walk my two-foot limit to return the cart.

Its not until were halfway to base that I remember the dog. Ah well, she hasn't called yet anyway. I will have time. They're all asleep by the time we get to the parking lot to pick up my hubby. Hes all smiles as usual as I'm SO glad I have him around to even out my high-strung craziness. i tell him all about my day, and he tells me about his, and for a few minutes we have some peace and quiet to just be us. Then we get home and the kids wake up. Its okay though, bc the kids miss him so much during the day that they listen to every word he says. Makes me want to take a me-cation. for a week or so. Maybe then they will listen to me too! then the groomer calls. the dog is ready. I take time during the drive to reflect on my day, and feel so blessed to have three beautiful children to stress me out all day. YES I am stressed, YES there are some times when I am about to lose it, YES there are some times when I feel like I cant handle it. But they never see that part. I could have the worst day of my life, and they would never know. I always try to give off the impression that they're a breeze to care for. I will give them the best childhood I can, let them be kids as long as I can, and never ever let them think that I am anything less that completely happy with every single thing they do. Because they deserve it. And bc there will be a day when I will wake up whenever I want, have cake for breakfast, drink my coffee and sit at the computer uninterrupted, and spend the day doing crafts and relaxing instead of cleaning because there wont be kids living there to mess it up. And I will hate that day.

What I do all day

I read an entry to another blog recently that chronicled the day of a stay at home mom, and the joys and perils of such. So I thought I would give it a try :) this was yesterday.

I am awakened at 7 am, (which is awesome! I got to sleep in!!) by my oldest (who is 4) and my earliest riser. I only had to wake up with the kids twice last night, so I'm sleeping pretty deeply. My son puts his face an inch from mine and says "MOM! I want breakfast! breakfast mom! I want the new cinnamon cereal you bought, with vanilla milk! can you come downstairs?! get up mama!" so I roll heavily out of bed, find my phone in the darkness, and sarcastically hope my sleeping husband enjoys the extra sleep he gets.

Downstairs, I zombie-walk through the kitchen and start the coffee while my oldest continues to yell at me for cereal. I manage to fill three bowls with cereal, go on a search through the kitchen drawers to find matching lids and valves for three sippy cups, and place them on the table just as my baby ( almost 2) yells down the stairs "I stink! mama! I stink!". I get the baby, bring her downstairs and wrestle her out of her jammies, which she peed through, and jujitsu-style restrain her long enough to clean her up and get some underwear on her. My middle child ( three) comes stomping down the stairs, grumpy and angry at the world, and demands cereal. I point out that there is already cereal on the table waiting for her, and she proceeds to have a mental breakdown and throw herself of the floor and scream about not wanting THAT cereal. My baby and oldest are at the table spitting pieces of cereal and each other, so I let her cry it out. She finally decides THAT cereal is better then going hungry, and I pour some coffee and enjoy some facebook time while they eat.

Hubby comes down the stairs bright and cheery from his extra 30 minutes of sleep, and I hope he spills his coffee in his lap. just kidding. I remind him that the oldest have dentist appointments and we need to get them out the door. I search the dressers, baskets of clothing needing to be put away, and dryer for acceptable outfits and try my best to coax them into getting dressed. I again, jujitsu- wrestle my baby into some clothing while she screams at me. I use threats and bribery to get the other two to get dressed. My oldest, as usual, feigns paralysis and I end up dressing him myself. Then its time for the shoe hunt!! oh joy!! I dig through the black hole that is our entry closet and manage to find shoes that match. My middle child cries about my choice of shoes, and about every other thing that has inconvenienced her that morning. my oldest puts on flip flops with his jeans, which I have to talk him out of, and my youngest takes her shoes off at least twice before we get out the door. At the van I coax the three into car seats, use more threats and bribery to get my oldest to buckle up, and were on our way!

I unknowingly scheduled another appointment at the same time, so hubby drops me off at the dentist with the older children, while he takes the baby to the other appointment. I get the older two checked in and try to keep them away from the mini-fridge the dentist office has so-lovingly stocked with capri-suns and bottles of water. I tell them that if they are good for the dentist, they can have one. My middle child cries yet again, and I explain her that I want to her teeth to be nice and clean for the dentist. Then I remember that I forgot to brush their teeth this morning. FAIL. My son thinks the water fountain is his personal water park and I tell him for the next five minutes to stay out of it. He continues to do it, so I put him on my lap for a time out. He thinks that is a terrible idea and backward head-butts me in the cheek bone and kicks me in shins. OUCH. The hygienist comes out and calls someone back that arrived AFTER us, and I hope she trips on something. kidding again. Then FINALLY its our turn. Hubby arrives just as I am taking my middle child back. about effing time. I then spend the next 10 minutes trying to convince her that the dentist isn't some kind of master of torture, and that she will be fine. The hygienist finally gives her a stuffed animal to hold and she allows her to clean her teeth. thank God. The rest of the visit is pretty uneventful, and I take the youngest ones out to the van to watch a movie while my son is getting his cleaning.

Hubby and I decide to take the kids to BK as a reward for allowing the hygienist to clean their teeth. whats better for clean teeth than fast food right?! don't judge me. they have a play-place. We get to the parking lot, park, unbuckle the kids, and my oldest informs me that he peed in his pants. which is something he hasn't done for a while. I sigh heavily and realize that we forgot the diaper bag at home. We cant go to BK today. hubby and I buckle three SCREAMING toddlers back into their seats and explain why we cant go inside and play. They scream the entire way home, and I use the drive to slip away into a mental vacation.

At home, I try to throw together some lunch because I forgot to take something out to thaw last night. We end up having fish sticks and fries. The kids take two bites and then run from the table, as usual. I take them all upstairs and put them down for a nap, and hope they take a long one. My youngest yells "I stink! mama I stink!" for the second time today. I roll my eyes because this is her newest (and annoying-est) stall tactic. She waits until we put her in bed, then she poops. I get her all cleaned up, and put her back in bed. I tend to my domestic goddess duties and sweep and do some laundry, make some phone calls since its quiet. Then its time for my hubby to get ready for work, and the kids wake up. I turn on some cartoons and give them a snack and hope I can get the dishwasher loaded before anything crazy happens.

I drop hubby off at work, because I need the car tonight. I take the kids home and allow them to play in the backyard while I do some more cleaning. I wonder if the neighbors will call CPS on me for letting them play in the fenced yard alone, even though I am staring at them through the window. But if I go out there, and leave my house is a mess, they will probably call CPS for that.  I realize I hate having neighbors. I daze off into a daydream involving umbrella-topped drinks and the sounds of silence, and then I realize my oldest has let the baby out of the gate and she's making a bee-line for the running path. I run outside after them, think about my neighbors calling CPS again, and tell them they need to play inside for the rest of the day. They come inside and fight over toys, fight over crayons, fight over who's doing the fighting, and I finally give up and turn on some cartoons so I can make dinner before church. I end up giving them PBJ and a banana while I TRY to finish the laundry.

On the drive to church my middle child asks me in-depth questions usually beginning with WHY, and I do my best to answer. We all sing our ABC's and tell funny stories and I think that these are the moments that make motherhood the greatest gift ever. I drop them off at the church nursery, and try my best not to sprint to my class. Its a nice little break, and nice to have adult conversation. Its over all too soon. I go to pick the kids up, and I can hear the baby screaming from down the hall. Yikes. The teenage nursery gals also inform me that my oldest had yet another accident (whats going ON with him today??) and he is going commando at the moment. I sigh and thank them over and over for for watching them, and apologize for the trouble. Then think meh, its good birth control. I walk the kids out to the car, and being a human being and only having two hands, I hold onto the youngest ones. My oldest runs away from me, and into the parking lot. I yell after him and tell him that he has to stay next to me because there are bears in the woods by the church. hey, whatever works. I manage to get all of them into their seats again (6th time today) and hope the drive home puts them to sleep. I drive to the parking lot of my husbands work and wait impatiently for him to come out and meet us. The baby starts crying, shes incredibly tired bc its after 9 o'clock. I mutter under my breath that my hubby better hurry the heck up before I leave him there. After about 10 minutes, he finally gets to the car. cheery, as usual. God love him.

We get home, and put the overly-tired, cranky kids to bed. I get into bed myself, and hubby goes to the garage to do man things. I wait for a kid to cry. It only takes about 5 minutes this time. Its my son, he wants a drink. I get up, get him some water. He complains that he wants milk, and I explain that he cant have milk before bed. He cries. and by then, they're all awake and wanting a drink. I give them all a sip of water and put them BACK in bed. I crawl back into my own bed, and say a prayer that they sleep for at least an hour before I have to get up with them again.

kin, candy, and cant-shut-up

Well, Its been a little while, lets see whats been going on lately. The kiddos had a great Halloween! B was a bumblebee transformer, E was a princess, and lil B was a cow. It was lil B's first time trick-or-treating! she did really good. My MIL was able to make it up here to spend it with us and that was nice. I always enjoy her visits. I wish they lived closer. It would be nice since shes really the only family member I am (emotionally?)close with, besides my dad. Which is sad. I wish I could be closer to my own family. I don't know, I feel like I'm an outsider when I'm around them for family get-togethers because no one really talks to me. I don't know if they are harboring resentments towards me because of my past, or what. It hurts though. I can say that my grandmother (not my biological one, though sometimes I wish she was) has always always always made me feel more than welcome and special, no matter what. Which is more than I can say for the one I'm blood related to. but thaaaaats another story. I was pretty close with an aunt before they moved overseas, and I really miss her. I'm 95% percent sure that we are going to visit them in march. Which would be so awesome! Nate had been overseas plenty of times, but I never have. So it will be interesting for me. I'm scared crapless of flying, too. So that will not be pleasant. I will def. need a xanax/cabernet/enya c.d combo. calming thoughts. wooooosaaahhhhh. Hopefully I will sleep the whole way. The idea of flying over an ocean really freaks me out, that and flying is just unnatural for people. If we were meant to fly, God would have given us wings. Too bad we cant take a boat. But I'm scared of boats too so that probably would be just as terrible. Jeesh, I was meant to live in a land locked state for sure. Anyway, It would be great to visit another country and see how it differs from ours! I've lived such a culturally sheltered life I probably wont have any idea how to act. I'll just keep my mouth shut LOL. Which, by the way, is something Ive been having a problem with lately. I don't know why, but I've been standing up for myself a lot more lately. And not just myself, other people as well. But I also occasionally offend people, so it kind of works against me too. I don't know why but I've just been on a mission to give the world a piece of my mind. And its not always met with happy ears lol. Whats the difference between standing up for your beliefs, and forcing your opinion on people? Is there a difference? I find myself in this dilemma in matters of religion quite frequently. I don't know where to draw the line. I'm not perfect AT ALL, I actually have made a ton of mistakes in my past. I still make mistakes every single day. So I'm not above anyone, yet I feel like I have the right to decide whats right and wrong. But do I have the right to expect people to bend to my ideas of whats right and wrong? would I be going against my beliefs if I just said 'live and let live' and remained passive about all things? I constantly wonder these things. So in the midst of my new found confidence, I still have reservations. I don't know when its the 'right time' to speak up. So if you're one of the people I've offended recently, I'M SORRY! I never mean to hurt feelings. I really do have a servants heart, and try to please everyone. I even worry about who I'll potentially offend when I write these blogs. Even though its MY blog. Like the Anna Nalick song "And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd/ Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud/ And I know that you'll use them, however you want to." kind of sums it up right there, funny how music can do that. anyway, I'm super tired and my kids are super early risers. So until next time :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2yiphu8Ff8&ob=av2n

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BIG GIRL!!

Since my last post was kinda heavy, I want to post something a little happier. Its my big girl's birthday today!!! So I thought I would tell her story. My pregnancy with her was my easiest one, but that's NOT saying much. I had gestational diabetes, and constant preterm labor. I also had a low-lying placenta early in the pregnancy where a small part of it overlapped my cervix, but as my uterus got bigger, it was higher up and out of the danger zone. But it was still easier than my first- where I had pretty much the same problems, but I was alone (hubby was deployed) I had no mother figure to call when I had questions, and I had no idea what was going on with my body and what was 'normal'. Plus the doctor I had with him looked and acted JUST like Bill Cosby (seriously he sang while he was giving me a PAP. I didn't know whether to laugh or run.) so I was a little hesitant to spill all my questions and fears. He was a great doctor... just... yeah. Anyway, long story long, I ended up having my son at 30 weeks and he spent a month in the NICU, and he had some major health issues for a while. My pregnancy with her started off kinda rocky with the severe morning sickness, but it kinda tapered off, and everything was calm for a while. I guess she was just resting for the Big Show. I was hospitalized for preterm labor ( and i was dilated to a 4) at 30 weeks. That time in the hospital was some of the worst of my life. I could not get up (not even to use the bathroom. sorry docs, I cheated on that one a bit) I was on a strict diet for diabetes. Hospital food is gross anyway, but add a special diet to that, and I would rather eat dog food. So I didn't eat much but I still ended up gaining more than 20 lbs in 3 weeks. A grand total of 60 lbs for the entire pregnancy. Yikes. I was also on this wonderful drug called magnesium sulfate. Which basically made me feel like I was having a heart attack in the Sahara desert. My heart would pound out of my chest, my head would spin, and I had the AC up full blast and several fans going all the time. Hubby was on the verge of hypothermia, and I was sweating my pregnant butt off. Bless him though, he took it like a trooper. So anyway, I went into HARD labor at 33 weeks. I had to deliver in the OR because she had her cord wrapped around her neck, and they wanted to be able to do an emergency C-section if anything went wrong. So I pushed for what seemed like forever, but I couldn't feel a thing bc of the epidural. Then her heart rate kept dropping. Since she was so close to being out, they used the vacuum and yanked her outta there. Turns out she had a double nuchal. When she came out she was completely gray, she didn't scream, and I was terrified. Hubby rushed to her side and I was so angry because he was blocking my way to see her. I only got to see her for a moment, and she already had a CPAP on her face, so I didn't feel like I really 'saw' her. Hubby went to NICU with her took some pictures for me to see, but it wasn't the same. I had some pretty bad bleeding (sorry those of you who are squeamish) and had to be on pitocin, so it was a while before I could see her. She was 5 lbs 11 oz, so she wasn't 'tiny' like some of the other NICU babies, but she still looked so tired and small in her little warmer bed hooked up to all those tubes. I knew what to expect from my son, and she wasn't as bad as he was, but its still shocking anytime you see your baby like that. She was in the NICU for 3 weeks, and did pretty well. She had a bout of jaundice, but did a lot better than most people expected. We brought her home on a heart monitor (again, just like my son) and we didn't even have as many 'scares' as we were expecting. She only used it for about a month. Its so funny remembering those times. We had to drag that monitor around with us everywhere, she had to wear it constantly. I remember being so angry at people who stared. I wanted to scream "what in the world are you looking at?! shes a preemie!" actually, she did most of the screaming for me. She made up for not crying at her birth, because she cried almost every second after that. She had colic so bad that she was actually hospitalized for incessant crying. (PPD much?? I think so.) And I don't think she had stopped since. Instead of crying now, its incessant whining. I'm starting to think her voice just naturally sounds that way. I know that's just her personality, something that I now find sort of endearing. Like when I was a little disappointed that my beautiful baby girl that I had dreamed about didn't have a hair on her head (seriously until she was two!)  But then it was okay, I LOVED putting bows on her little bald head. And now Shes my little strawberry blond girl, and stands out from my dark haired munchkins. Shes a such a cuddle bug, and a mommy's girl. She loves everything girly and shes shy and sweet and adorable. I look forward to watching her grow. I'm so blessed to have been chosen to be her mommy!

SCHOOL!

I usually write these things at night after my kiddos are asleep, but I'm trying to squeeze this one in before dinner. so bear with me. The only exciting thing happening is the count-down to school starting. It starts Sept 8, and my kids are very excited. what an amazing adventure it will be for them! both will be going this year and that makes me a little excited. I like to think about that 2 hours I will get with just me and belle. what on earth will I do with this time? I could read and play one-on-one with belle for as long as she will let me (shes been miss independent lately), then who knows? grocery shopping? start a new workout routine? re-organize, de-clutter, paint, and re-decorate the entire house? the possibilities are endless when you only have one well- behaved child to look after. when you chase toddlers around the house all day for 4 years, the sudden absence of the task can be a little disorienting. Then I remember back to the days when it was just brennon. I felt like I couldn't get anything accomplished! how could I possibly watch a child and do anything else at the same time? looking back, he probably thought I was pretty annoying, being all up in his space all the time. I ran behind him with a pillow and a broom, so to speak. wow how times have changed!! I can do just about anything, with three, so I'm jumping up and down with excitement (on the inside) with the thought of what I can accomplish with one. Armed with the parenting knowledge I have now, Belle and I can take on the world. One errand at a time. My older darlings have been asking every day if its time for school yet. apparently they cant wait to get away from me. No doubt about it, that means they are growing up. They don't need mommy as much anymore, they're going to be busy meeting new people and learning that they have their own little lives. (i know, i know, it preschool. not college. but it still feels the same!) and that is super depressing. I know I will be a nervous wreck while they're at school. They go to a wonderful pre-school, but I just worry about typical mom stuff. are they going to behave? are they going to get picked on? are they going to learn anything? are they going to do something incredibly embarrassing (for me, not them)? So even though I am dreaming about all this 'free' time, I will probably cry my eyes out when i drop them off, and watch the clock every second until its time to pick them up (which i will do 30 minutes early. just in case, you know, they NEED me earlier.) Chances are, we will all do just fine. so I will try my best to enjoy it and let them enjoy it. because before I know it, they'll be in high school. then none of us will be happy ;p

how much should we care about people who dont care?

wow! what a week. a long one, but a good one. finally got school shopping done, thanks to kids closet!! they're amazing. if  you haven't been to a sale, you should go. I guess I was a little bummed that we don't have the money to buy the kids ALL NEW clothing in the newest styles, but it was a great deal! and the clothes were barely used and super cute. and my DD puts on dresses with snow boots/mittens and butterfly wings. so I know they don't care. Oh and Brennons birthday was fantastic! he played and ate and ripped paper until he dropped. I didn't get to do the dinosaur theme he was hoping for, but I found a really cute sports themed set on clearance. I was totally bummed about not getting him the Dino theme due to "funding" issues. But as it turned out, he was very impressed with all the sports decor and the cake/cupcakes I made for him. and you know, I don't think he would really care either way. As long as he got cake and presents and got to play, he didn't have a care in the world. I SOOOO wish I could adapt to his way of thinking! I've been focusing on the negative instead of the positive, and I HATE that. I was furious that members of his family didn't send him a birthday card, even though he couldn't care less. I was irritated with the low turnout at the party, even though the people that were there made it AMAZING. and again, he didn't care. he was beyond ecstatic to be able to play with the kids that made it. don't get me wrong, it was a great party and I had just as much fun as Brennon, but I couldn't shake that nagging feeling. just like today, we took the kiddos to the MO fair ( it was military appreciation day, we only to pay 1$ !!) and of course it was crowded as all get-out. we tried to go to several of the shows/events- but when we got there, it was so crowded that there wasn't even standing room and we couldn't see a thing. but do you think any of the very-well-fed-looking fair goers taking up an entire bleacher with their behinds would scooch a bit so my kids could see? shooooot NO! we got dirty looks for trying to squeeze in. I mean hello? you're adults with no kids and you're guarding your vantage point for the piggy races like its your only mission on this good earth. get a life! sheesh! anyway, I got to thinking... you know... I would probably have had a better time if I didn't let that one thing get to me. instead of focusing on that, I should of thought of how SUPER NICE that little elderly gentleman was who stopped and listened to brennon tell him all about god-knows-what. and he listened to brennon with such rapt attention that you woulda thought he was telling him the secret to life. but instead I just muttered a "sorry... " (I don't know why I assume strangers are annoyed by my kids, I feel bad now ) and hustled my them onto the next activity. so why do we care so much about when people don't care? yet when people do, we just expect it and don't think anything of it. Are we really so jaded that we cant appreciate the simple things? if the answer is yes, then that's pretty darn sad. and I don't want my little ones to grow up that way. so if the kids don't have a problem with it, then neither do I! I have stop fighting battles for them that they don't even know exist. I'm going to let go and let god handle my issues. Because believe me, Hes the only one that can handle 'em!

boys, birthdays, and big glasses of lemonade.

Okay, so whats been up lately.... a lot. My master cleanse is over, unfortunately I didn't make it ten days. let me explain what its like. the first couple of days are the worst. the first day, i had terrible migraines and i was SUPER crabby. DH was on my last nerve (and I on his) and the kids were scared to talk to me. NOT a good day. the next day wasn't so bad and it kept getting better from there. i cheated a couple of times (for shame!) but i drank the required amount of lemonade mixture and i could tell it was working. as soon as I started eating food again, my stomach felt like i swallowed hot boiling acid. it was terrible. and NO, i didn't 'ease out' like i should have, and maybe that's the reason. I also started breaking out and getting a flare (eczema) the day i started eating again. could be a coincidence, but i think not. but at least I know what NOT to do next time. and there WILL be a next time, I WILL finish the 10 days and then some. I got some interest from a few other ladies, and maybe the next time i will have someone try it with me. it wont be so bad if i have support. I know its not meant to be a weight loss aid, but i would be lying if i said i didn't hope to lose some serious L.B's. this freaking plateau I'm on is getting really old, and fat. anyway, my little bros were in town recently as well. I love when they visit, i feel like I'm missing out on their lives by living so far away. they're 10 and 12 years younger than me, and they were pretty young when i left home, so we don't really get to 'grow up together' like most siblings. anyway, brennon was so excited! he loves his uncles so much. and i appreciate the fact that they genuinely love spending time with him and the other kids. which is more than I can say for other members of their family. but that's another story. My dad and his girlfriend Debbie surprised him by visiting on his actual birthday, and he thought that was the best gift ever. Dad surprised me by giving me a antique vanity that he refurbished. its beautiful! i love old fashioned things. so overall its been a pretty good week, looking forward to brennons party this Saturday. I love having people over, especially when it is for such a sweet occasion! hope to see y'all there :)